If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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