I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Farmville is her only friend.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
