Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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