i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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