I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
