Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
