Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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