She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
