pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
