Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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