I hate your face
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
