writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
