Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
