Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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