So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
