What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
