After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
