nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
