he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You're like the curious george of whores
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
