So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
