I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Barsexuality is the new black.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
