Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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