Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
