i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
