my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
