Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
