i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
