I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
