best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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