she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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