Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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