I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
