defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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