If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
