He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
