i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
