hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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