Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
