This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
