If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
