white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
