Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
