I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
