sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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