i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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