I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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