If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
