Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
