Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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