Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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