that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
