Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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