Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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