he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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